I am (fairly) thin. And I used to be thin, too. But there was a time in-between when I was most definitely not thin.
The lowest weight that I can remember (when I was aware of my weight), was in my sophomore year of high school and I was about 125 lbs. The crazy thing is that at the time, I was really self conscious about my weight. Of course, I was a cheerleader, and surrounded by thin and beautiful people, and was constantly comparing myself to others.
While I was still in high school, I started to put on a little weight. When I graduated from high school, I weighed about 135 lbs. If I hadn't been self conscious before, I was DEFINITELY self conscious at that point. Because, despite being well within the healthy weight ranges for my height, people (almost exclusively family members) began to make comments about my weight. For some reason, commenting on others weight/appearance is quite typical in my family, and these comments (mostly when I wasn't around) continued for years to come.
These comments, along with my own personal feelings, really began to further affect my self esteem. While my feelings were hurt, my reaction was not to try to halt weight loss, but to keep eating and pretend there wasn't any problem. And honestly, at that particular time, there really wasn't. I wasn't eating all that healthy, but I was exercising as a result of being a cheerleader, and my weight was in the normal range.
Now - let's fast forward to college. Because I was no longer a cheerleader, I was no longer getting regular exercise. But I didn't adjust my eating habits. So it's not a surprise that I started to gain some more weight. Yet, I was still in denial. I still thought that I could manage to eat the same way and things wouldn't be too bad. Of course, I was wrong. I steadily gained weight in college and was about 170 lbs. (just a rough guess) when I graduated.
After college, and during the first several years of marriage, I still continued to gain weight. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I felt depressed. I knew I needed to change. And I did try and lose some weight, a couple of times. But I just couldn't seem to make any real, lasting changes. While I wasn't happy with my body and my weight, but I couldn't seem to let go of the habits that were the root cause of my weight issues.
Eventually, I got up to 213 lbs. I maintained that weight for a couple of years, and tried to lose it a few times, but with only temporary successes. At least I had stopped gaining (that's what I told myself at the time). Because of the failed weight loss attempts, I had started to think that I just needed to learn to be comfortable with my body. (DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying that others couldn't do that and be happy. I think it's possible to love yourself at any size. And I support body positivity. But I wasn't comfortable and I was fooling myself into thinking that I'd somehow magically become comfortable in this skin.)
In March 2015, my employer (at that time) began a Weight Watchers at Work program. I had tried Weight Watchers in the past. When I stuck with the program, I had successfully lost weight. The problem was that I'd quit and would end up gaining any lost weight back again. But since I knew the plan could work, I decided to give it a try. It helped that the group was going to be comprised of people at work, so these were people that I already knew and it was in a familiar environment. Because it was offered during my lunch hour, there really weren't any excuses for not signing up.
And as before, the weight began to come off. But this time, it felt different. And it needed to be different, because my other attempts hadn't lasted. I knew that I needed to be persistent, even if things didn't always go so well. I needed to stop sabotaging myself and accept that in order for this work, I had to begin to live a different life. I had to make different decisions. One important fact had really started to sink in for me: you either need to change your habits or be comfortable with your current weight. It's one or other - if you don't want to look different, that's fine, keep living life the same way. But if you want to look different, you need to be different.
This new mindset/realization was so simple, but so powerful. Now that I'd accepted it and adopted that belief, I was able to lay the groundwork for success. But it's important to note that this wasn't done alone. I had a large amount of support and encouragement from the Weight Watchers leader and receptionist, my fellow members, and my husband and parents.
As time went on, I continued to see success. The weight was coming off slowly, with an average loss of 1 lb/week (sometimes less and sometimes more), but I was consistently losing weight and feeling better about myself. I enjoyed attending the meetings and I felt like I was able to change my habits without much difficulty - the only difficulties were mental ones. The vast majority of the time, the challenges that I faced all had easy solutions, because the challenges were built up in my mind. For example, it's not really that difficult to navigate a movie or a sporting event without eating unhealthy foods - it's only difficult because made it difficult on ourselves.
In June 2015, I got a new job. The meant that I wouldn't have access my previous Weight Watchers meeting anymore, because it was through that particular employer. Yet I knew that continuing to attend meetings was absolutely crucial to my success. I found a Weight Watchers location near me. There were a lot of different meeting days/times. Because I knew that the relationship with the Leader and other members was so important, I went and tried out several different meetings until I found a group that really clicked with me.
I continued to follow the plan, eventually adding in running to boost my exercise (see previous post). And on April 12th, 2016, I finally reached my goal weight. At that time, I had lost 64 lbs. Because I had set my goal at the top of my healthy weight range, I was comfortable with losing a little more if my body was also comfortable with that idea. I wasn't going to push it, but I was going to continue to eat healthy and exercise and see where I landed.
Now, I weigh 140 lbs. That's a total loss of 73 lbs. And I'm quite comfortable at this point. Due to running long distances, it's not realistic for me to further restrict my diet. And I don't want to exercise less, and become less fit, just so that I could lose a few more vanity pounds. Would that really be the healthiest decision for me to make? No!
Really, that's the major difference between March 2015 and today. It's not about the weight anymore. It's about being healthy and fit. I cannot believe that I'm at a point where I'd rather continue the higher volume of exercise, even if that means not losing additional weight, but it's true. I'm eating healthy, and I view eating as a way to fuel my body for the activities that I enjoy.
That's not to say that I don't face challenges. I still face challenges every day. And I still make mistakes. But I'm more forgiving, and more able to look at the big picture than I was before I joined Weight Watchers. I'm a totally different person - not just a thinner one. And while I still have a lot of work to do, I'm proud of what I've accomplished.
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